What A Day

Words of wisdom from a 4 year old...

Today I took Evelyn for her pediatrician check-up. Part of this included what all women learn to do, although we still can't believe we have to do it. That's it... pee in a cup. I'm not sure what all they check for with a child that young, but it made for some great comedy. Evelyn had never been subjected to such insanity before, so when I explained to her that she was going to sit on the potty while I held this little cup for her to pee in, she was incredulous. She kept looking at me like she was waiting for me to tell her I was just kidding. Finally, she said, "Mommy, what happens if I pee on your hands?" I assured her that I would thoroughly wash my hands after the whole ordeal was over, and she settled back on the potty. Then she sat up again and said in the most stoic voice ever, "Mommy, this really doesn't sound like a very good idea." Ha! No kidding.

Let's just say things went downhill from there. She had to have the routine finger prick test, which turned out to be enormously upsetting to her. Honestly, it was total meltdown mode. When she found out that she was going to get four shots, it went from bad to worse. She totally freaked out. It took a while for the nurse to get back with the shots, because they hadn't actually planned on doing those shots until two more weeks when she turns five, but since we were there, we went ahead and got everything done. It took three grown women to hold her down for the shots. She was flailing around on the table, struggling and begging the nurse to stop. It was shocking. I have never seen her anywhere near that out of control. While I had the Mommy feelings of sympathy for her, I mostly just kept thinking how over the top her reaction was to what was happening. Nobody likes shots, but they aren't catastrophic attacks on a body.

Then I remembered being a very young child (probably her same age, since it was before I had my tonsils removed) and how it took several people to hold me down when I got shots at my doctor's office. I had forgotten about any of that, but today, holding Evelyn in my arms and trying to reassure her that she really was okay, I was taken right back to Dr. Cole's office in Newnan, Georgia and the horror of shots during my own childhood. Horror... how funny that it seemed like such a horrible thing when I was little. My poor Mama must have felt the same mix of emotions that I felt today. We want to protect our kids, which means we never want them to hurt, but at the same time, we want them to take the sometimes painful steps that lead to prevention of much more serious consequences. We want them to have a life that is happy and wonderful, but we know that discomfort is sometimes necessary and we want them to learn to be strong enough to handle the reality of life.

Tomorrow I will have some pictures to post... Evie's first day of school, maybe a couple of shots of Gunnar, and some quilts that I have completed. But for now, goodnight.

An Idea Is Brewing...

As my most recently-completed project is being quilted by my new best friend -- a local long arm quilter -- I find myself toying with ideas for another quilt. Oh, that doesn't mean that I don't have other quilts in progress or in planning. But my problem is that the more experience and practice I get quilting and sewing, the more challenging and creative projects I want to try. Today, I received an email about an embroidery contest from Sublime Stitching. The contest didn't really interest me, but as I was looking around at the patterns, an idea for a really cool quilt came to mind. My next project for myself will be a quilt that will be decorated with hand-embroidered pin-up girls on solid white blocks. Come on, that will be great, huh? I really like the old-school pin-ups, and the embroidery patterns that I have include space girls, cow girls, and old fashioned pin-up girls like you see in vintage posters and magazines. They are all modest, while still being edgy and fun. I will have to choose fabrics, and then maybe find a way to coordinate the embroidery floss colors to the fabrics, but that should be fairly easy. I think it will be a fun project, and at least in the case of the hand embroidery work, it will be something that I can carry around with me and work on even when I'm not sitting in front of my sewing machine.

So that's all for now. Just wanted to get that idea out there. I should jot it down in my craft journal, but this one was too good not to share. And who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and get a REAL embroidery machine for my 10th Wedding Anniversary / Birthday / Christmas later this year. But then again, the machine embroidery wouldn't really give my quilt the same feeling, so no use drooling over an embroidery machine quite yet. I still like the look of the hand work.

Hooray!

I know, it's a lot different than the title from my last post. Not only did I finish hand-stitching all of those origami stars, but I also finished the quilt top AND the backing. My Sweet Honey Hubby is en route as I type to deliver my quilt to my newly-found long arm quilter friend. Seriously, this lady is a trip, and I was so incredibly glad to find someone locally who would not only take my quilting work, but would also be another source of encouragement and guidance as I continue to learn and improve and try new things.

This quilt will be a birthday present for my niece, Mamie. I really should have taken a picture of the quilt top to post, but the lighting was horrible yesterday (storms all day) and then today I was in a hurry to get the quilt on over to the LAQ. So, no pictures yet. I'll definitely post one of the finished quilt. Maybe one before I put on the binding, but definitely after it's all completed.

Next up in the parade of quilts will be to sew my Shoo-Fly rows into the finished quilt top. I'm still not completely set on a border, or what kind, for it, but I talked to the LAQ today in the shop and she does pantograph quilting, so I'm even more excited to get this one finished up and quilted. I want either a butterfly motif or bumble-bees for this one. Julie may have another suggestion, which would be great too. It's so cool to find someone who can share their opinion and help guide me. I am so new to all of this that I don't really know what questions to ask or what to try or what works and doesn't work, but she was really great with me today, talking through lots of ideas.

Then I have Gunnar's I-Spy quilt, which is ready, other than the border, so I'll probably take that one and the Shoo-Fly to her at the same time.

After that, I have a baby quilt to make for one of the make-up women that has befriended Erick when he is on set. I already have the fabric for the top, and the pattern that I plan on using goes on sale in two days, so I'll be ready to get started on that one by the end of the week.

It's funny to think how much I've already learned. Even more amazing is to think that only four months ago, I didn't even know how to thread a machine. The quilting/sewing bug has definitely gotten hold of me. It's so thrilling to start with fabric from a huge bolt and see it become something beautiful under my hands. I have the same feeling when I'm knitting, except I still knit WAY slower than I can already sew. Obviously, that is probably always the case, but I get to see things taking shape almost immediately when I am sewing. I really enjoy the process, but I definitely get a kick out of seeing the thing through to the end.

That's it for now. I'll update with a picture when Mamie's quilt is finished.

Aargh

For the record, hand sewing is NOT my talent-gift. Ugh. Aargh. Ick. Harumph. 

I am working on a quilt for my niece's birthday, which was actually a couple of weeks ago. The quilt pattern looked deceptively simple. What I thought would be the hard part was the origami style folded stars on half of the blocks. Well, that went incredibly smoothly, but now I am at the point of hand-tacking the star shapes to their blocks so that they stay folded, and I am just beginning to get the hang of it. My first block looks fine out the outside, which is good, but the back side looks like a drunk woman did the sewing. Each block is getting easier, however, and I guess by the time I finish all ten star blocks, I might actually have a feel for what I'm doing. Ha! The tricky part is two-fold. One, the stitches actually have to be positioned so that they hold the stars in place. I mean, it's no good making a cool origami quilt, only to have the stars come unfolded at the first washing. Second, the stitches all have to be hidden. It's equally crummy to make a cool origami quilt and be able to see tacky stitches running around on the outside of the blocks. So it's just slow going for me -- one who is definitely NOT a seasoned hand-stitcher. 

Never fear, I'll get there eventually. The quilt construction is not complicated at all, and I've done all the rest of the cutting, so it should come together quickly... once the star blocks are all tacked down. Ugh.

And here is a weird question. How come I loved the hand-stitched binding that I did on my first quilt, but the hand sewing for these stars is such a pain in the butt? Seriously, it makes no sense at all. 

Back to it... ugh.

What We're Doing Right Now

So Erick is in Atlanta on set, and the kids and I needed something fun to occupy ourselves. Why not bake chocolate chip cookies with a new recipe I found today? Sure!

Before...

After...Yummy goodness...

While they are baking, Evie and Gunnar are playing with some extra chocolate chips and dough. They crack me up, but this was especially funny.

Don't tell Gunnar -- there isn't actually any dough in his bowl, but he doesn't know that.

Ahh, blissful ignorance.

Other projects that I've been needing to post include the blocks for Gunnar's I-Spy Quilt...

Today I got the final orange and blue pieces added around the empty side and short end, and hopefully I'll get this one put together (border) and quilted so that I can work on the binding while we are on vacation.

Evelyn's Lunch Tote for Art Camp ... she chose the Strawberry Shortcake fabric, and I supplemented from my scrap pile for a scrappy look.

Moving on to a new purse for me. This one is made from Amy Buther's Love line, which I LOVE. You know, I'm convinced that she named this line precisely because every time you look at it, you can't help but say, "I LOVE this fabric."

Close up of the main bag portion -- really came out cute!

That's it for now. Oh wait, let me go back and add the links for these things. Plus, one more little sewing project that I made for my kitchen. I found lots of inspiration from tutorials for drying mats, and ended up doing my own thing in a Quilt-As-You-Go fashion. It's Moda's Love U line. I bought a big pack of white hand towels on sale at Bed Beth and Beyond a couple weeks ago, and used a Jelly Roll of the Love U fabrics to sew strips down to the towel. The mat self-binds itself, using the premade binding already on the towel, as you can see below. This was an incredibly quick and easy project.

Well, I hear the timer going off again. Time to pull out another batch of cookies. Erick, I sure wish you were here to have some warm yummy goodness with us. We'll try to save a few crumbs for you!

Homecoming

The kitchen floor is mopped, the den is picked up, and I am ready for bed. My Honey Man comes home tomorrow morning. He has been out of town for four days, has two more days of travel coming up, but is flying home just so that he can spend one afternoon and night with me and the kids before heading back out early the following morning. Lordy, am I crazy about my man. When it all comes down to it, the one person who makes my life as a stay at home Mom possible is my husband. He works and works and works to provide for us. He fights battles that seem impossible to win, he slays dragons, and even when he sticks his foot in his mouth, he is still the one and only guy that I ever want.

Our family vacation is coming up, and he is taking official vacation days from all his jobs so that the four of us can have an entire week together. I am so ready for this time that I can hardly stand it. Evelyn is just as excited as I am. And Gunnar won't really know what is going on until we get there, but I can't wait to see him in the swimming pool. Mostly, I am just ready to have a whole week where there are no outside responsibilities ... no meetings ... no appointments ... no calls for Erick to rush to Atlanta or downtown or anywhere else, for that matter. Just the four of us, on our own time, to do whatever we want.

The more I learn, the more I realize that my real meaning, my focus, my joy while I find it, comes from the time and the pieces of myself that I choose to share with others. Next to the gift of Erick's love, the second greatest gift he has ever given me has been the opportunity to be with my children every day. There are days when I feel like I need a break, but even on those days, I still have the sense that my frustration is constructive, in the sense that it is being spent on something that is lasting. This time I have with my children can never be repeated or replaced. It is the most precious commodity that we can ever share. Realizing that this gift comes at the expense of my husband's hard work is sobering. It helps me to be reminded that my gift in return to him is to make the most of the time he has given me to be their Mom and to be his wife. Rather than losing myself in these roles, it turns out that I actually find myself in a more authentic way when I find myself in the eyes of the people I love.

So, for tonight, goodnight. Safe travels for My Honey. Church with the kids in the morning, as we thank God for His incredible blessings on our lives, and then home for an afternoon and evening of just being together.

Finally Watched "Julie and Julia"

Erick is out of town, so I had some quiet time and decided to finally watch the movie, "Julie and Julia." It was really sweet. I sort of sympathized with Julie's character, who was sort of fumbling around trying to figure out her life. How interesting that she discovered herself in the light of her husband's encouragement and support, and also in the food that she prepared for the two of them to share.

Since being at home full-time, I've sort of gone in cycles with doing what I consider a really great job of keeping house and cooking dinners for the family, and I've also done what I would consider a less than half-assed job sometimes. Trying to figure out how my role fits in with Erick's job has been a challenge. Honestly, we never know from one day to the next whether he will be at home on any given evening until mid-afternoon of said day. So while we are obviously grateful for this job and this opportunity for him, it makes it hard for me to mentally put myself into the mode of housewife, at least in terms of whether or not I am going to cook dinner. What I've discovered is probably not a mystery to anyone but me, but I can't wait until 2:00 p.m. or 3:00 p.m. on one day to find out whether or not I'm going to cook dinner that night.

So here's my plan, again. Get back on the bandwagon of doing a little housework every day. I really love the Fly Lady's website. You can check her out here. And it's also time to get back to my organized meal planning and shopping routine. I realize that my role as Mom and the responsibility to provide healthy meals and the stability of a regular dinner around the table for the kids trumps whether or not my husband is also at home to join us. There may be times when we go the cereal route, because frankly, the kids and I really do like cereal, but I need to have a "real" meal for them on most nights, and we will assume that Erick will be there with us except when he isn't.

And when he is, I want to be a better wife and Mom. I realize that it is my work that sets the tone for our home. If I keep it up and give it lots of care, then we all are relaxed and there is a sense of peace and serenity and our home becomes a sanctuary for us. When I let things slide, when we have take-out or fast food more than occasionally, then we just don't enjoy each other or our time together nearly as much. Maybe I'll never be June Cleaver (or Julia Child -- since I finally saw the movie) but I can be the best Christy that I can be, and that is a worthy goal. I want my husband to be excited to leave his office, come downstairs, and join his family after a day's work. I want the kids to grow up with the security and tradition of family dinner times. I want to be proud of myself because I can look around and see the fruits of my labors. I want to be better. Not perfect. But better. My best.

Here's another thing. Life has been tough these past 10 years, but there have been the most incredible and joyous blessings as well. I am a better version of myself, even when I'm not even trying, simply because of the love of my husband and now our children. They give me courage. They love me. There is one aspect of my "old" life (before I became what I now describe as a medical science project gone awry) that I have never been able to reclaim. I have not been an athlete for 10 years. I miss it. My body misses it. Granted, I was never a great athlete in any sense of the word, but I was strong, I knew my body, and my body trusted me enough to do what I wanted it to do. I could run, swim, bike, hike, climb, swing, balance, lift... you get the drift. Those things were taken from me, and every time I tried to take them back, it felt like they were snatched away again. So I had almost given up ever being able see myself in a way that integrated physical strength and agility ever again.

But that is over. Now, with only two sessions with a personal trainer under my belt, I already feel like I am on the way to being what I already was. The trainer put it this way. "Christy, that athlete is still there. She's still in there. I can hear her when you speak. We just have to help her get back out." That's what I am doing in more than just one part of my life. I am learning to let out the strength that was already there. I am learning to tap into a vein of courage and strength that has been hidden, and maybe even lost to me. It's not only in the realm of spirituality and faith, although I do feel like my faith continues to grow as I try to submit to God and try to remember that He is the one who is ultimately driving the ship. There are some things that are totally out of my control, and as much as I sometimes think that my way would be better, or that I could do a better job, God, in His infinite wisdom, did not put me in charge. So I am learning to look to Him but also to pick myself up, dust myself off, and do what has to be done to live life to its fullest right now. There is no second chance. I have one life. And if I choose to look at each medical speed-bump as a victory that has been overcome, then I clearly have more life to live and more of myself to give, and I had better get busy and quit moping around.

My goal in working out with the trainer is to ultimately be able to complete a triathlon. We are sort of dreaming about the possibility of doing one in October, but if not that soon, then I am focused on giving it a go next spring. I think crossing that finish line will be the ultimate vindication, the ultimate come-back, and the ultimate victory for me in terms of repairing the broken relationship between my body and my spirit. Honestly, the two have sort of had to part ways just to survive some of the time. And I realize that other people have been in literal fights for their lives while I've just hopped, skipped, and jumped through one surgery after another, but for me, this has still been a hard season. It was hard to go from "Most Athletic" to unable to lift a gallon jug of milk or to have to wake my husband during the night, because his then 26 year-old Amazon woman of a wife couldn't sit up or get out of bed to go to the bathroom without his help. He has been my strength, truly, when I had none.

We don't know what our lives will look like ahead of time. We don't know the duration of our days. I took the kids antique shopping yesterday, and as we walked around through rows and rows of things that had once belonged to someone else's life, things that had once had meaning for someone, things that had been common-place or maybe special to another family, I was reminded that there is nothing to do but to jump in and be a part of the ride. Evelyn splashed all around in an outdoor fountain, and I was just so grateful to be here with her, to just be alive to witness my daughter splashing, that the thought of telling her to stop getting wet seemed silly. Get hung up on wet shoes and a subsequent wet inside of my car, or laugh and say a quick prayer of thanksgiving that I am here another day to see my children play. And while I'm here, make the most of it. Whatever that means, I want to do it. No holding back. No fear. No second-guessing. No telling myself it's impossible. No more self-doubt. Just living... really living.

I guess that's all for now. It's time for bed, so that I can rest this body and have another day tomorrow. My husband comes home tomorrow, and I want him to find a lovely home and a lively wife when he walks through that door. I want him to be glad that he works so hard to provide for us and to be very glad to be home with us too.

Love to you all. Now go live.